Last night I went through a complete "cleansing". It was a very interesting experience.
Lots of people seem to like to do the cleansing thing. (not to be confused with "ethnic cleansing" which hopefully isn't as popular) There are many ways to do it. Mine is the best.
A lot of people choose fasting, eating lots of fibre or signing up for a nice "detoxifying" enema. This all is a load of bunk.
About now is a good time to give everyone a crash course in the best method of cleansing. The experience is very spiritual, and after it you will feel more fufilled and excited to be alive.
A Simple Three Step Cleansing How-To:
- Start drinking beer right after lunchtime.
- Get fairly drunk, then have one of your drunken buddies give you a haircut ( since you looked like a "granola eater" anyways).
- Drink tequila until you get violently ill.
After executing these simple instructions, you will wake up a new person, revitalized, full of energy and if you're lucky, still slightly drunk and sporting a wicked hairdo.
The biggest task is making sure all bodily fluids and excrements end up in the proper places. Don't fuck this up. Make sure you are well advised of appropriate locations. This method of cleansing works best if you jump out of a truck to puke at least once. Don't worry though, it's not like you will actually remember the unpleasant parts of the evening.
You will tell yourself that you will quit drinking forever, knowing next weekend you might end up doing the same thing all over again.
Fasting, fibre, enemas and prayer all take too much time and effort. Go invest in some booze and let the cleansing begin!