John Mayer is a knob

John Mayer is another reason I hate the radio, and sort of makes me think that the entire world is going to become a massive pile of ignorant shit.

He played hit song "Daughters" on an Apple webcast I watched in the summer (yeah, okay, I do follow Apple conventions, and I do have Quicktime installed, oh have I ever sinned - I was bored and in a foreign country, okay?). Anyways, I almost puked when I heard it. Add insult to injury, it wasn't long before this stupid song made it on to the continuous loop of the local radio station.

Kill me now.

I'm a bit of a lunatic, which means I take time to listen to what someone is trying to tell me. I tend to listen to lyrics more closely than any human ever should. Most pop music makes me incredibly mad as it is the most poorly written music in existence.

But John Mayer has topped them all. He even showed teenie booper angry Linkin Park how to write a dumb song. (by the way, where is Linkin Park anyways? Their music expects me to think they've all since jumped off bridges)

So without further interruption, here is his popular song, and the translation.

John Mayer - Daughters

The Song	The Translation
I know a girl She puts the color inside of my world and she's just like a maze Where all of the walls all continually change	I hook up with this chick She does some amazing shit with her tongue But man she makes no fucking sense A real moody bitch
And I've done all I can To stand on the steps with my heart in my hand Now I'm starting to see Maybe it's got nothing to do with me	I tried spiking her rum and coke with a prozac I'm going to chill out and touch my nipples And blame her dad for my problems
Fathers be good to your daughters Daughters will love like you do Girls become lovers who turn into mothers So mothers be good to your daughters, too	Yeah, if you didnt fuck her up so much My sex life would be better It's really interrupting the humping I just hope I didn't knock her up
Ooh, you see that skin It's the same she's been standing in Since the day she saw him walking away Now she's left cleaning up the mess he made	She's fucking hot But I'm sick of her shit I'm going to play hero for a while And then dump her
So fathers be good to your daughters Daughters will love like you do Girls become lovers who turn into mothers So mothers be good to your daughters, too	Maybe if you weren't such an asshole Then she wouldn't be so needy Then I would get some regular sex Cause I'm a selfless kinda dude.
Boys you can break You find out how much they can take Boys will be strong and boys soldier on But boys would be gone without warmth from a woman's good, good heart	If I don't get laid soon I'm seriously going to go nuts
On behalf of every man, looking out for every girl You are the god and the weight of her world	Imagine how many women That would just randomly get naked If all those issues didn't exist
So fathers be good to your daughters Daughters will love like you do Girls become lovers who turn into mothers So mothers be good to your daughters, too So mothers be good to your daughters, too So mothers be good to your daughters, too	So yes, I hate your nutbar daughter She makes my life a living hell But she has all the equipment I don't All the parts line up And I'm a retard

Sure, the translation may be offensive, but it's honest - quality more people should value.

The funny thing about it, everyone's daughter seems to inexplicably want to throw money at him and play with his package afterwards.

"Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung." - Voltaire

Comments...

Carey - Bad manners!

I'm also not a big fan of his music, (I never knew the lyrics were bad because I can't understand anything he's saying but wow that's messed up) but dislike him for other reasons. He once invited a friend of mine backstage after a show and unexpectedly came in her eye after they fooled around. That's just bad manners, I mean celebrities can get away with that crap but at least ask first asshole!

... - Bad manners

"unexpectedly came in her eye" ????

Wtf, ok, if you find yourself in the situation of some guy stroking his knob in your face, close your eyes! Hello cause and effect! What the hell did you stupid friend expect??

sheldong - what if he had asked?

Would any girl actually give a positive response to that query? In an ideal world, yes.

But I think a majority of women would say "No, you fucking pervert! John Mayer did that to me and it burned!"

sheldong - some good lyrics

By the way, if you want to listen to a well written song, listen to "Coconut Cream" by The Tragically Hip.

Steve - Carey?

This 'Carey' better not be my sister. If so, sis, you need to get less slutty friends.

Devon -

hahahahaha. I think sheldon is trying to tell us he's horny.

tooth - ahahahahaha

ahahahahhahaha dong that made my day.

some girl -

Seriously, that's great. Couldn't have said it any better myself.

sheldong - Carey

Carey, what are you doing this summer?

Busy at all?

You and your friend should come visit!

Have your friend rinse her eyes out real well first though.

Carey -

Sigh...I really should have posted as "anonymous." Clearly groupies don't have sex with engineers, that's just silly. Sorry Sheldon.

Steve - Groupies

Yeah, that'd be silly. Groupies like having sex with losers who treat them badly instead of nice guys with a future. So, no sex for most engineers.

anonymous - it's for the better

sex causes lethargy. where would Oracle, Microsoft, GM & etc be if engineers got laid?

leo - actually

Some studies indicate that students getting laid regularly actually do better academically than those that aren't. Probably because of the stress relief.

anonymous -

And that's why leo's best grades have been in the 3A and 3B terms.

sheldong - goddamn leo's grades

Yes, he did school the rest of us in 3A and 3B.

You forgot to add 2B to the list, all the screwing may have helped him there as well, but I think stats brought us all down. That class was extremely boring.

Not to mention the 2 tonnes of freezies, 10 kilos of corn dogs and 150 hours of Crimsonland probably cancelled out whatever positive effects the sex had.

But some of us manage to beat Loose Leo at a few courses from time to time.

And perhaps with less sex he'll be less inclined to sleep through lectures, possibly improving his grades.

I don't think it is as much about the sex as it is just the type of person. One who does well in school also does well in getting himself some action. That seems more likely than sex actually making you mentally quicker.

And don't forget Steve's genius. He's schooled us for a long time.

Celibate Sheldon, however, has few redeeming qualities.

tooth - .

other than being a natural frank the tank

Steve - You Jackass, Sheldon

You're not supposed to tell people I don't laid. That's just plain rude.