Karate Championship

A lot of people don't know this story, but it's another example of people getting burned when they mess with me.

So anyways, at university, friday nights I go and have dinner with this Christian club. It kicks ass. For $3, you have a ton of awesome food, get to chat with a bunch of women and partake in an interesting discussion afterwards. And be done in a sane time and be home in time for nachos, beer and Battlestar Galactica. It all usually happens without incident. But not on this particular night.

So this kid, I'm not sure how old he was (witnesses say "like 7") but in any case he was really trying to pick a fight with me. I said sure. At first it was a friendly sorta kickboxing thing going on, taking turns punching/blocking with the cushion granted to the defender. Noting the age difference, when it was my turn to be on the offensive, I didn't hit very hard. But I got a few hits in that he would remember. The kid was all about the flying headlock or punch to the head, it was like he'd just recently watched a Power Rangers marathon. Little did he know that I'd watched enough Ninja Turtles in my day to have an honourary amphibious black belt.

After the sparring match was over, we were supposed to pay attention to whoever the hell was speaking, so I assumed a seat on the floor. The kid definitely had a grudge however, and now that I was sitting we were at an even height, the fight was definitely on. No turns, pads or sportsmanship. The gloves were off and he wanted blood. His strategy didn't change much, as he tried his trademark superman punch a few dozen times. Many times during the fight he'd let me think it was over, just to see the surprise as his fists reached for another round at my face. A few minutes of this business and I figured I'd finally crushed his spirit. Holding both his arms still, outside apparent striking distance, I'd figured he'd give up. But he wasn't one to throw his chips in, and he brought another strategy to the table: the flying karate kick with both feet.

After I got a face full of dirty socks, I believe the kid came to realize something new about physics. For the guy you just pulled the Bruce Lee move on and shocked the shit out of, wasn't expecting to have to hold your insane self off the ground. The kid came crashing down onto the hardwood floor with a few loud cracks. One I suspected to be his elbow, the other a small fracture forming in his skull. Even though a part of me wanted to start patting the floor and counting to 10, I lifted the kid up and asked him how he was doing. All of a sudden strangely silent and withdrawn, he replied with an "ok" and rubbed his elbow in obvious discomfort. I could tell that his head hurt and his ego was bruised. But crying was completely out of the question as it would ruin his primary school machismo.

While he never openly admitted defeat, no one in the group has challenged my authority since. I feel sorry for the poor kid, but I had to make an example out of someone.

School ended before he got a chance to ask for a rematch. If he does next year, I'll accept it, but I'd be disappointed to have to teach the same lesson twice.