Stuporheroes

From time to time, I watch Justice League. Or Justice League Unlimited. Or Justice League Extreme. Justice League Fantabulous? Hell I don't know. There is a lot of super duper people dudes on the show that like to kick ass anyways.

The show is quite entertaining. During a typical episode, the bad guys will show up, in a slightly different team than last time. The bad guys don't get along well, so they can't manage to stay organized longer than one dastardly doomed to fail plan. Stupid bad guys! HA!

The bad guys proceed to set a trap for the Justice League or manage to wake up half the city trying to steal shit. The Justice League arrives.

Then the shit hits the fan. Cars fly, buildings crumble and innocent bystanders proceed to pee their pants in fear. It doesn't get any better than this!

A few seasons of the show later, I began seeing a pattern. Kids were repeatedly saved from speeding traffic by The Flash. People were continuously being saved from burning buildings by Superman over and over again. I could come to only one conclusion.

The Justice League are a bunch of selfish rejects looking for attention and Superman is a fucking moron.

Think of the resources available to the Justice League. You would have incredibly smart people with superpowers. Why would you be stuck saving people from their own infrastructure? Yes, infrastructure. How many times does someone get hit by a subway train? How often do people die in burning brick buildings with sprinkler installations?

Superman could allot a year to install train lines where there was superhighways, subways where there was busy intersections, and fire prevention goodies in every home on the planet. After that, his call-outs would be a quarter what they would have been. The caped jackass should really do the math.

The rest of us should probably do the math as well. Think about your environment, and think about how many people it kills every year.

It would seem that the only realistic superhero is Batman - a super rich guy that has practically limitless resources to build crime fighting gadgets. This guy doesn't utimately have the power to modify how the world works, yet works to anyways and deals with the situation as best as possible. Any of us fools could do that, if we weren't so damn apathetic.

Batman does indeed exist, except this version doesn't wear a suit and doesn't have billions in assets.

He simply gives a shit.