The Failures of Instant Messaging

It is almost certain that everybody who hasn't been living in a cave during the last decade has a vague idea of what instant messaging is. It is pretty self explanatory. Instant. Messages.

Back in the day I used ICQ a lot and found it extremely useful - I could talk to a number of people simultaneously in a manner which didn't demand 100% of my attention without being robbed by telecom companies.

Instant messaging has the potential to be a very useful tool.

But as they exist now, instant messengers suck.

All instant messengers are absolutely pathetic and it looks as if it will remain that way for quite some time.

Let's look our desired attributes and how the clients fare:

MSN Messenger

User Interface
Absolutely horrible is an understatement when describing the usability of MSN's official client.
Get MSN if you like:

1. Loads of advertisements behind every button
2. Confusing, disappearing menu bars à la Windows Media Player
3. Custom penis emoticons

File Transfer
Works most of the time, even behind firewalls. Except when it doesn't. Sometimes it would be faster to call up the person and yell hexadecimal at them : "Yes, Okay, Now F, A, 0, 1...". Points for effort though.

To top it off, once the carrier pigeon arrives and your file is complete, MSN decides it's a virus and deletes it for you. Try receiving an MP3 with some versions of MSN 6 or 7. MSN Messenger will delete the fucking file if you click its link to open it.

To summarize:

1. Deletes important files for you! Automatically!
2. Dog slow at random times for no apparent reason
3. Sending folders is impossible
4. Queueing files is impossible
5. Sending more than a handful of files is prohibitively clumsy
6. Clicking to accept each file will probably give you RSI

Message History
MSN just loves to put all messages in extremely verbose XML files. XML is fine, if you have an XSL stylesheet that is worth anything. But MSN doesn't come prepackaged with anything that useful. Viewing history in MSN is like pulling teeth, and one usually has to hack the stylesheet to get it to display in a sane manner.

Protocol
MSN doesn't care if software compatible with its network works on anything besides Microsoft platforms. This is by design, and nothing is stopping them from iteratively changing things to purposefully block other implementations of their protocol.

ICQ

User Interface
ICQ used to be the king shit of instant messengers but now the only use for this app would be a case study on how a bad interface can turf market share. Add annoying sounds and widgets that brought us back to clunky Win95 apps. Then came the Medusa inspired skins.

File Transfer
ICQ actually did file transfer very well. File transfer did require some router configuration though, which was a pain in the ass and not an option for many users.

Message History
The dumbest thing that could be done with data as trivial as message history is shove it in made-up data table formats. ICQ did this, and as a result message history was basically unreadable outside of ICQ unless you exported the records you wanted to text. Extreme pain in the ass, waste of resources and clumsy.

Protocol
The ICQ protocol has been implemented by a ton of third parties. ICQ still retains control over the protocol and all servers on the network however, meaning you're hooped if ICQ decides they don't like the client you're using down the road.

Google Talk

User Interface
It's simple and beautiful.

File Transfer
It's nonexistent.

Message History
Google Talk's "Off the record" functionality is interesting but easily subvertible. Storing the messages in your GMail inbox is useful because the information becomes available you are logged into. It is a pain in the ass that this information isn't easily available offline, though.

Protocol
Google Talk uses XMPP/Jabber, which is a protocol Google holds no special rights to. But don't believe in altruism just yet - Google most likely understood that they wouldn't get very far by promoting yet another proprietary network while implementing less features in their client.

So who is the big winner in all this mess? Nobody. We are all a bunch of losers when it comes to IM. Every client gets a big F- and the rest of us have to deal with the mess.

Years after its conception, the current options given by the IM world have all failed on their promise to bring simple communication over the internet to the masses. But would it even be possible to fix these software details and live in an instant messaging utopia? No.

Instant messaging is doomed to fail until it has the most important piece of the puzzle: ubiquity.

Why the fuck do you have a phone? Because everyone else does as well and you can phone all of them - even if they're on a different carrier!

This seems to be a simple concept, as are all the things discussed above, yet software engineers can't get their shit together.

Instant messengers need to be competing on the the quality of their clients and service instead of battling for a monopoly of communication. Forming a monopoly of an absolutely required resource is a complete waste of time in the long run. (under the assumption that the government knows anything about IM) If no one else, the EU will probably fine somebody for something.

IM in its current form is a total disaster. It's not an earthquake, tsunami, or flood but rather an abomination created by a decade of utter incompetence.

But let's all congratulate ourselves anyhow.