The Science of Urinals

The urinal is a very interesting piece of technology. I'd say that several people could write some very serious research papers dealing with many subjects relating to urinals. Everybody from engineers to psychologists could spend a lot of time focused on the science involved in taking a leak. The part where I see the psychology or sociology or all those 'ologies that deal with human behavior coming into play is urinal equitte. Men are usually faced with a decision of which urinal to use. I think its only a matter of time before some PhD wannabe writes a paper about what your choice in urinals says about your personality. I want to see some statistics on which urinals were the most popular over a period of time. How does one select the urinal? None of them can ever be ranked equally.

I use a very precise method in selecting a urinal. If you are very washroom-challenged, you may want to adopt it. When presented with a choice of urinals, each urinal is ranked according to an equation :

Urinal Value = ( Distance from Door + Distance it would put me from other males ) / ( Amount of hair in the immediate area + Lines of sight the urinal finds itself in + Amount of liquid already present )

Some really good imagery there. Anyways, you calculate all these values quickly (without a calculator) and select the most desirable urinal ASAP. The goal is to spend the least amount of time in the washroom as possible, for fear of succumbing to the fumes. The smell that would kill you is undoubtably due to other clients of the facilities not being fully capable of utilizing the urinal and its companion technologies.

And thats why the urinal needs to go back to the drawing board. Get some engineer that actually knows something about fluid mechanics to completely redesign the urinal. There are simply too many people that see the floor as an extension of the urinal for this occurence to be attributed to user error. It's a design flaw! Might want to find some outside consultants to teach some people about anatomy and realistic trigonometry.

All this work would go a long way to making the urinal an idiot proof product, which is probably impossible without some crazy vaccuum borrowed from the people at NASA. Or another option could be the ultra gravity urinal, where patrons would urinate directly into a singularity. Sure such things might destroy the world, but think about how clean the floors would be.